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My Life, My Thoughts..Basically..Me

Sunday, September 27, 2009

2:35PM - Almost forgot you were there.

I wrote it on April 14th 2008. I thought I'd share it with whoever still reads this because i found it in my journal.




Falling, bringing me down like an anvil of pain,
That Gauss wrapped limb,
Swaddling like a babe,
Bleeding through white sheets.

This constructive wording:
A lie.

Dismantle it carefully, Amateur Surgeon.
Move from arm to chest.
Open and closing. Locking.
Amputate and Repair. Repeat process.
Repaired?

The well oiled machine,
Not really and amateur but well seasoned.

An artist using deceptive brushes. Stroking
Stroking

Spewing ink on white canvases blank.

Never the fatal cut, only mutation,
Never the fatal cut, only mutation,
Never the fatal cut, only mutation,

That  irreversible wound beveled in the mind.

Your sadism always dooms my dis-figuration.

Friday, August 1, 2008

9:16PM - Icon.

In squares I walk
Going nowhere in a tizzy
The world made of chalk

Everything lacks emotion
Schemes building like a castle of cards
Falling at the first wind.

8:42PM - Bend.

Lyrics don't come easily anymore
It's taking me work to figure out rhythm.
I try to take poetry and change it to song
but it doesn't work.

I am collaborating with Andre tonight.
I hope awesomeness will arise.

I think I'm just down right frustrated  at my lack of creativity.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

8:39PM - What happens when pictures are too real for life

Hmm. Strangely Poetic and utterly creative. I cannot write any music to fix my poetry. I'm feeling a little empty and a little full. I'm falling... and doing it hard. Once mistakes now seem so pointless. Mistakes even? I'm not sure why I'm letting you all into my head right now...

I want to see you all... But I don't right now. I want to be alone... But I want to be with people. I'm just confused. I've fallen hard for this girl and these feelings confuse me. I want to do crazy things for her. The thought of her makes me crazy.

Why do you all need to know? You don't. I'm getting tired of hiding things. I think the people that read this already know everything... But I still need to be at war with this keyboard about it.

GAHH.

Life seems to be a mess these days. I work in a slummy place and it's bringing me down. My once love for not swearing is slipping.

I'm off to chill with Alex!

See ya!

-Rob

Friday, March 23, 2007

5:02PM - Ah yes.

Ah yes, The time is here once again to Post! This time it's going to be a book...literally.

This is what I have composed, it is a sick satirical book of poems called "Let's go Camping: A guide for Modern Families"

:) Enjoy...it's very MORBID...and DARK...And talks about bad things. You may have seen some of these before...maybe 2 of them. The first two I believe. Anyways...Enjoy them in this context










“Let’s go Camping!”
A guide to Modern Family living.




Rob McColeman

Alcohol
And so it falls apart,
Pieces of a life I claim to live.
Spreads like a virus,
So quite and thorough,
Spreading and eating,
Leaving none of me behind.



Screaming wind or Your Voice

The falling voices on my lawn feel
As if they could fly without
A sound.
As they go by screaming numbers
As if someone could
Understand.
Willow trees and wonders all stand
As if they own all the
Power.
This fanatical dealing makes me feel
As if I can land on all-fours
With good luck.

Before Getting Home

Here they come like a flood.
The door, like a dam, has been blown.
Here they come.
The bodies in the closet are free.
The ungrateful dead want their revenge:
They are not happy about being buried.

Coming in a dark storm cloud
Like the wind before teaming rain
There is no calm proceeding this storm.

Like a Russian “Burn and Run”
They walk over the land.
Happiness is gone for a time.

At least until you take your pills.



The Altercation

The dainty hallway seems clean now.
Paintings crisp on their ridged landscape.
Blinds, like a think fog,
Block the light of life.

She’s quietly crawling in her red sea.

Shoved down and buried so no one notices
Throat was tight in his knot.
The clock monotonously slow.
He finally closed the door.

*    *    *

Prior to this, the scream,
Shivering as if containing a disease,
As if the Flu had caught you
Or as if you were dropped in Arctic water.

Waving hands and accusing voices.

It would feel serene in slow motion
Or choreographed in a movie

Typically. Usually.

Distinct now.

Words fly like daggers back and forth
Then the hand, lamp, chair and dignity.

Leaving her quietly crawly in her red sea.


Little Blank Canvas

What would you have me do?
Take from the sky its shooting star?
In these places it seems so.
I could dance or sing?
Paint a pretty picture?
    No longer beautiful
A sun with angry rays
           The son with angry rays

What would you have me do?
Bring down all the stars?
It would be a supernova
But a grand show for you.

I could dance or sing?
I could paint a picture?
Of a deaf man
Of a blind father.
What would you
Have
Me
Do



Left or Right

He moves slowly in his own world
Trying not too
Trying to be noticed.

He can’t make up his mind
About decisions he can’t make.
He has the power too.

He is trying not to
Trying to impress others
Ending only on him
Alone.

It may be that he’s
Scared.
To be alone at the end though
He knows everyone
Does not know him.

*    *    *

Home again.
Alone but happy.
He satisfies his beast
With discontent

“Drink up, drink up.
When you leave you’ll need me.”

*    *    *

Alone he leaves home
He moves slowly in his own world
Trying not too
Trying to be noticed.
He hates himself.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

4:58PM - Pick me up please?

Well, I'm tired...I'm hungry, and I'm sick of this world.
My life is sucking..."out of control." Andre knows a little bit of all of this sucking; sadly, I can add more sucking to the list. It reminds me of the song never alone.
I waited for you today. But you didn't show.
I know we cannot separate...I know your part of me...
Help me trust the unseen.
I've been studying for 5 hours...I just deleted 40 minutes of it by accident...
I could curse up a storm...I could probably break down and cry. I've had little to know sleep the last 3 days. You can ask josh about me rustling at 1:30am because I can't sleep.
I feel like I'm chained. I feel like the chains are alive though...like they know me...like they have an opinion. Maybe that's just the things pulling the chains.
Maybe they are simply one.
I've discovered the bliss of being completely exhausted and riding elevators. For some reason the crowd of insecure, stressed and tired young adults lifts my spirits. I know I'm not alone.
Luckily the Lord has provided Ruth to me...I forgot to put the supper in tonight at the house...and I ran out of change calling my house because the phone is retarded. It rang once and then ate my change and put me through to the useless answering machine. No warnings.
Gah...I've had 7 hours of sleep in 3 days...I want to curl up in a corner and die.
It's times like this when Satan is poking at me. I can tell he is...I can hear him. The Usual:
"Quit now, it's useless", "your not good enough anyways, why try", "Your just going to fail", That person is looking at you", "You've been at it too long...take another hour break".
It's very annoying. I feel I need to come here to let out my feelings before I explode.
Blehh..I think I'm going to take some sleeping pills and go to sleep at 6:30, wake up at 5:30 and do some more work.
I cry out with no reply and I can't feel you by my side. So I depend on what I know: You're here and I'm never alone.
Why can't I depend on that? Everything in me is telling me your not here. Everything is pitted against any sort of hope or happiness. Everything seems to want a bitter end as long as it's simply an end. I'm probably going to fail my psych exam...I hope I can pass with a 50...I hope it's not worth 50%
Did I mention I deleted the last 40 minutes of my work? Ya, I don't know where the hell it went...just disappeared..there is no way to find it on this laptop.
I also only got 65% on an exam I though I go 90% on.
I also am having trouble with me Soc Class. I didn't fail anything...but the grade showing up is an F.
I don't know what my vocation is.
I'm trapped in sin.
AND THIS F)(*^)($@&)(&)@$&)(&#)($& COMPUTER WON'T STOP RESTARTING MY F*******CKING INTERNET CONNECTION!!!
DAMN IT I'M ANGRY!!!!!!!


Gah, and all I'm going to do about it is pray for peace and humility to see the bright sides of the world.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

5:39PM - Another Reflection.

I wrote this is Philosophy class...I was extraordinarily bored.

(Wow, that's a big friggen word lol)


Looksy:

In my cause,
The will is gone.
Hear applause?
The act is on.
Shine your lights;
My eyes so stunned,
It cracks and bites;
I'm stoned and shunned.

The dance is danced,
The Piper plays.
The hope I glanced:
It faded away.
In this room
So dark it's stopping,
Am I to assume
You've never been watching?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

3:34PM - Such Little Things.

It's amazing how such a little thing can make you so happy.
How it can make you a kid again.
How you can suddenly feel joy bursting from you.

It's amazing.

I love snow; it gives me hope. I love how it falls. I love the texture and the cold feeling when flakes break on your nose.

I love how it lands on branches, how it lands on other snow and seems to make it new again.

I love how it fly through the air. I love how it makes me feel like a gladiator; feeling like you are walking into an arena and white rose pedals are falling on you.

It always gives me hope for a new day. It makes me want o fight for the beauty in the world. It rejuvenates me.


Anyways...those are just my reflections on snow. :)

Thursday, January 18, 2007

12:39PM - Blast off.

Well, this is for Anjuli, who seems to think LJ has become abandoned.

It hasn't...:) Not by me anyways. The reason I left is because LJ was full of hate and anger.

But then again...It was also filled with teenagers...which explains everything.

I'm doing well in case your all wondering. Still alive and well. This semester will be interesting. I find my desire for Literature and writing has been set ablaze once again with my new Fiction and Composition prof. Oh, btw I'm taking: Applied Psychology, Greek Mythology, Ancient Roman History, Fic. and Comp., as well as Moral Reasoning.

I'm starting to write a short story. I'm not really sure how long it will end up but surrently I'm building the house.

Next I will build little connections to the people in this house and finally move onto the characters themselves. Then, what I think, is the least important...the plot.

This will not be a story to read for entertainment...it will be Literary short fiction. No more crappy writing...this is serious...I have 3 pages of notes write now and I've only just done the bedroom, the hallway, parts of the living room, and a quick outline of my characters.

This story will be about, the themes I should say, Self hatred, Judgment, and a general insight into the need to be accepted.

Anyways...I have class soon, so I'm off again!

Greek Myth. here I come!

Friday, November 3, 2006

1:15PM - More Angst

Does he really not understand? Is he really that stupid?

I really makes me wonder sometimes.

That's really all I have to say.

Hmm,




Between the middle all things fade away;
The once simple line becomes thinner.
In the clouds things fade away.
Do you think it's that easy to spin her?

I'm crushed and uplifted at the sight of the morgue;
I am beaten by the sound of your lips.
I though you knew how much you had stored:
It looks like your whisper sticks.


Gah..I'm done.. lol

Not creative right now...not caring.

Cheers.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

3:12PM - W00p!

I will continue my update from yesterday!

So basically I've been whining about money for a little while and about university and such. Well, I can't do anything but rejoice at this point...Ya want to know why?




I just got $4300 worth of grants...THAT I DON'T HAVE TO PAY BACK!!!

That's right, being poor worked out well this time. My total tuition is $500 after the grants. Tehee, not such a waste of money now eh Ruth?

Anways, life is going well in the pre-applicant house. Mass every morning. Adoration usually if I don't sleep past it.

But ya, Uni is cool. I've met a couple neat people. not really anything exciting to tell. I have a lot of reading to do...which I probably should be doing. :P

Well, I'll end my uopdate there. Talk to me peoples...I've lost contact with most of you! Your all so busy!

1:30AM - You know what?

Jesus rocks! :P

Anyways, I have not updated nor read live journal since about Labor day...o i suppose I'll tell ya'll what's going down in my life.

So I'll start with school!

I'm going to the University of Ottawa. I'm majoring in Sociology. My schedual goes as such:

Monday: Experimental Psychology 8:30-10am
Tuesday: Communications 8:30-10am
Wednesday: Philosophy: Moral reasoning 1-2:30pm Sociology 4-5:30pm
Thursday: Experimental Psychology 10-11:30am
Friday: Communications: 10-11:30am Philosophy 11:30-1pm Sociology 2:30-4pm
Saturday: English 9:30-12:30pm (Trying desperatley to change it.)

Anyways, so I'm living at 199 bayswater next to the church. It's a pre-Applicancy house for the Seminatry. I go to mass at around 7am and then have adoration if I do not have classes.

Anyways, it's getting late, I'm off to bed. nighty night!

Will update later.

Current mood: tired

Monday, August 28, 2006

10:24PM - Harcore Song

Dreaming - System Of A Down

For today we will take the body parts and put them on the wall

For treated indigenously, digenously
Human right is private blue chip, pry

We're the prophetic generation of bottled water, (For treated indigenously, digenously)
of bottled water
Causing poor populations to die!, to die!, to die! (Human right is private blue chip, pry )

You
You went beyond
And you lost it all
Why did you go there?
From beyond you saw it all
Why did you?

we lost consumer confidence in casual karma, (For treated indigenously, digenously)
casual karma
confetti, camouflage, camouflage! (Human right is private blue chip, pry)
the flage!, the flage!

We're the prophetic generation of bottled water, (For treated indigenously, digenously)
of bottled water
Causing poor populations to die!, to die!, to die! (Human right is private blue chip, pry)

You
You went beyond
And you lost it all
Why did you go there?
From beyond you saw it all
Why did you go there?

She lost her mind
Someone kicked her into the back of the line
She lost her head
When they called and they said that they thought he
was dead

Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can’t deny
Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can’t de--

we lost consumer confidence in casual karma, (For treated indigenously, digenously)
casual karma
confetti, camouflage, camouflage! (Human right is private blue chip, pry)
the flage!, the flage!

We're the prophetic generation of bottled water, (For treated indigenously, digenously)
of bottled water
Causing poor populations to die!, to die!, to die! (Human right is private blue chip, pry)

You
You went beyond
And you lost it all
Why did you go there?
From beyond you saw it all
Why did you?

Na na na naa na na na
Na na na na na na na
Ahhh ahh

Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can’t deny
Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can’t deny

You will take the body parts
and put them up on the wall
and bring the dark disaster

Current mood: Intense

1:37PM

Ya know, life is really hard. We all fall. The whole point is that we fall we learn to get up. I should really learn how to get up.

9:27AM - Screaming Winds

Screaming wind:

The falling voices on my lawn feel
as if they could fly without
a sound.

As they go by screamiing numbers
as if someone could
understand.

Willow trees and wonders all stand
as if they own all the
power.

This fanatical dealing makes me feel
as if I can land on all-fours
with good luck.


I'm feeling very creative right now. It's one of those times when I want to lock myself in my room with my guitar and just write music.

I should have brought my guitar to work.

Current mood: creative

9:24AM - Danger: Incomming.

I love the feeling of standing on the curb and feeling a bus go by.

I love the feeling of waking up from a dream when your falling.

I love the feeling of slipping in the water.

That will probably be the end of me.








*Post 3 things that excite you most.

Monday, August 21, 2006

2:17PM - Happy b-day!

Happy B-day to Osbern and Samantha!



Mine to :)

Friday, August 18, 2006

1:35PM

I'm sooo bored!

GAH GIGA GAH PAH SHA MAH TATA!

Anyways, I feel a TON better after praying. I hope ya'll are relieved by that.

I'm so bored I don't even want to be writing this.
lol...

bye.

RoB!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

4:28PM

Is pain always the prerequisite?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

9:30PM - Done.

Do me part:



Dear death, part me
From these hills of scilence;
Start me like a rocket.

Shoot me up and let me go;
Up, up, gone.

You see

Head is laying
Decievingly paying
All of the bills my mind
Keeps portraying.

Wieghing in the fact that
There is no overcomming
Staying because that bastard
Is too busy playing
His flute.

Come, Come my pretty,
I'll play you a ditty,
Isn't it witty?
Follow along, follow along.

How far down the road
Will I be bestowed
The infameous code?
It's hidden.

Grant me I wish,
Give me a cold dish,
Serve me while I'm hot.

The idea seemed good
But I've now understood
That my time here has not been
All pleasent.

Send me away,
I don't want to stay,
File me down,
Please kill me.

I'm done for today,
Hopfully I can say
Later will not be so drastic.

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